


Nine Months

by deawrites



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sweet/Hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 06:51:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10714395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deawrites/pseuds/deawrites
Summary: Harvey has a problem and it's Jim Gordon.





	Nine Months

**Author's Note:**

> Prepare your insulin shots people, you're gonna need them.
> 
> All mistakes are my own; but feel free to point them out to me in comments/messages so I can fix them. All comments, suggestions, requests and kudos welcome. Thank you for reading.
> 
> As always my wife is my muse, but I need to shout out a special "hey!" to Starrrz.

Nine Months

When Harvey opened the door that night the last thing he thought he’d see was a rain drenched, pathetic looking, kicked puppy of a Jim Gordon, blue eyes pleading just as intensely as his tone for Harvey to have mercy on him and invite him inside.  That was nine months, eighteen days, three hours, forty-five minutes, and fifty-seven seconds ago and Jim had yet to leave.  It didn’t even happen by degrees, Jim just came over and stayed; brought his belongings in the following day and moved in. Initially they had shared the queen-sized bed; because they were grown ass adults and it was silly for Jim to have to sleep on the couch.  Over time the queen became a brand-new king and Harvey was forced to admit that he had a problem.  The logical thing would have been to find a two-bedroom apartment and move there, or exchange the queen bed out for two singles but neither option appealed to Jim when they discussed their living arrangements. They split the rent, utilities and household expenses fifty-fifty.  Jim picked up after them both, but after a few bitch sessions Harvey had gotten the message and began to slowly respond by being less of a slob and more of a _respectable_ roommate.

 

Harvey eventually tried his hand a cooking a few nights a week so Jim didn’t have to shoulder responsibility of meal planning and preparation every damned night. Harvey was surprised to find out that he enjoyed cooking. Especially since Jim got enough of take-out food at work for lunch and preferred a sit-down meal in the evenings. When he was not at home Jim was bent over his desk at the GCPD or somehow working overtime and eating on the fly.  Of course, there were nights where pizza or burgers and beer were just what the two needed. Jim also had a workout regimen that simultaneously enraged Harvey and made him want to swallow his tongue to conceal his lust.  Jim wore a tight ass shirt called ISO-Tech, or some such nonsense; every muscle accentuated and shorts that were so form fitting to the point where Harvey couldn’t understand why he couldn’t tell if Jim was uncut or not. Well, all of this drove him insane with desire. Simultaneously he wanted to punch the decades younger (not quite twenty years but close enough), smug, healthy, fluid moving, muscular, bastard right in the face. How dare he reflect just how slovenly Harvey looked and become in his late forties (okay, low-fifties fuck you very much)! It compelled him to do a sit up or two of his own with the bedroom door locked and Jim out doing errands. And to what end? He was eating better now but Harvey didn’t want to push the boundaries set by his waistline long ago. It wasn’t like he was trying to impress Jim or anything. Then he added the occasional push up and Harvey hated Jim’s health regimen even more.

 

Yet after nine months, eighteen days, three hours, forty-five minutes, and fifty-seven seconds Harvey was addicted to Jim Gordon and there was no program he could work to rid himself of his ‘disease’. Not that he wished too, because living with the love of his life made him the happiest he had ever been. Now if he could find a way to convince Jim to agree to love him in return then it wouldn’t matter how he felt and for how long. However, in nine months Harvey hadn’t stumbled upon a fool proof implementation plan yet, merely himself playing the fool. Someone like Jim Gordon loved people worthy of his affections; good people (women) with allot to offer Jim in return.  Harvey was a once corrupt, arguably alcoholic, middle aged, mockery of a good man and Jim knew it. Harvey didn’t hide anything from him except to conceal his abiding love for the younger man. After all, there were only so many ego hits someone could take in their lifetime before they gave up on love altogether. Harvey was one rejection short of never allowing himself to feel anything beyond sexual interest for anyone ever again, as Jim’s refusal would shatter his fragile heart. Harvey elected to say nothing and relegated himself to lurking ineffectively from the peripheral waiting for the time when Jim needed his sympathetic ear, friendship, support and brotherhood.  Because Lee Tompkins wouldn’t be the last fiancé that Jim ever had. The next one would become Mrs. Gordon and Harvey would be consigned even further to the sidelines. The only difference would be in the later version his heart would be broken.

 

2:32 a.m.

 

Harvey frowned at the clock and rolled onto his back and looked at Jim’s side of the bed.

 

Empty.

 

Dressed in thread bare boxers and a Gotham PD t-shirt, Harvey wiped his eyes of sleep and shuffled into the living room. His eyes slammed shut due to the light from the table side lamp Jim had on. The bastard was seated on the couch reading a book; a thick hard back to boot; if the glimpse of him could be trusted.

 

“Jim?”

 

“Hey.” Jim’s voice was soft and so welcoming Harvey could have slipped between it and fallen right back to sleep. “You okay?”

 

“I should be asking you that.” Harvey blinked rapidly until his gaze became accustomed to the light source in the room.  “What gives?”

 

Jim shrugged and used a finger to mark his place and closed the book. “I couldn’t sleep. Thought some philosophy might help.”

 

“Is it?”

 

Jim glanced at the book before shaking his head.  “Now I’m trying to talk myself out of having an existential crisis.” His smile was self-deprecating.

 

Harvey grunted and walked over to Jim and plopped himself down in the adjacent recliner.  “That a text book?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

Harvey rolled his gaze and held his hand out, Jim leaned forward instantly to hand him the book. Harvey felt the weight and flipped through some pages before he declared it ‘utter bullshit’ and placed it on the coffee table in disgust.  “That’s not what you need. It only makes you think **_more_**. No, something mindless; boring.”

 

“Are you recommending one of those dime mystery novels you have on that shelf?” Jim hooked a thumb back over his shoulder in indication.

 

“Hey!” Harvey snapped pointing a finger at Jim. “Don’t go maligning those classic works of literature. I became a detective because I wanted to be just like those gum shoes. You should be thanking me.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Your sarcasm knows no bounds.” Harvey dismissed flippantly. He sat back and regarded his best friend.  “What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s- “

 

“You say ‘nothing’ and I’ll deck you. I am not staying awake for _nothing_.”

 

Jim smiled affectionately at Harvey. “I was going to say, I’m just feeling a little _lonely_ tonight is all. I mean,” Jim paused and rubbed the back of his neck with a palm, his expression sheepish.  “It’s just been a while since, you know…”

 

“Sex?”

 

Jim blanched a little and shook his head. This time he locked gazes with Harvey.  “Being held, holding someone. Knowing how someone thinks and feels about you; that. Sex would be easy, it’s **real** intimacy I miss.”

 

Any smart-aleck remark Harvey had to lighten the mood died in his throat and lodged there closely followed by his heart. It took him several seconds to recover and by then Jim’s expression had changed from gentle honesty to concern, Harvey was quick to state, “No, yeah. I get that. Intimacy is what makes the relationship work. Sex is easy. You could have that anytime you want.” Harvey had seen women throw themselves at Jim wherever they went even and a few men eye him favorably; some more brazen than most.

 

Jim relaxed. He loved that Harvey understood him so greatly with so little exposition.  Jim was seated forward upon the edge of the couch cushion, his elbows upon his knees, fingers laced slightly.  “What about you?”

 

“About me what?”

 

“Intimacy?”

 

Harvey felt as if he was about to break out into a flop sweat, and instantly Jim would worry about the condition of his heart. He swallowed and fought to keep himself outwardly calm even though he was panicking within. “Yeah, I mean, sometimes. Everyone does.” Before he could sensor himself he blurted, “But me? I have everything but the sex right now.”

 

Jim was genuinely surprised by the admission and cocked his head a little, feeling his neck heat in defensive posture.  Harvey hadn’t mentioned a ‘particular lady friend’ nor even any professional company as of late; even in passing.  Had Harvey shut him out all this time? And if so, why didn’t he trust him?

 

“Do you now?”

 

Harvey swallowed. Too late to lie even if he were able too. He was bone tired of carrying his nine-month-old secret and it was better to just let Jim know now before he slipped up in some physical way rather than verbal. Harvey nodded.

 

“You. I have you, Jim.” ‘ _All we’re missing is the sex_ ’, went unsaid but swayed in the atmosphere between them like a hung man.

 

Jim looked away, eyes blinking, the floor coming into focus. His mind raced to process what Harvey was telling him and all the explanations circled back to the same definition. Disbelief flooded Jim’s expression.

 

“W-what?”

 

Harvey tensed. “You heard me. I don’t feel lonely because you’re in my life. Like this.” He motioned between them not emboldened by the tumble of words but rather made desperate by them.  Now that the flood gates had opened it was best to just let the water flow and wait for the basin to empty.  “I’m happy. Yeah, I wish you felt the same but, this is enough if it’s all I get to have. I’m okay with that.” Two truths and a lie; Harvey wondered if Jim would eventually figure that out when he would replay the conversation in his mind in the future.  “I just don’t want to lose our friendship, or you, altogether. **_Ever_**.” Harvey took a deep breath knowing that there was more he could say; but that would just be repeating his sentiment with different words. He fell silent and awaited Jim’s response.

 

Jim nodded and locked gazes with Harvey, wetting his lips to buy him time as he groped for the words to make certain he was reading the situation correctly. Both his posture and expression told Harvey just how discombobulated Jim was and he tensed. Harvey shifted in the chair and placed his chin in the L of his fingers and thumb bracing himself; when Jim spoke, it was soft and uncertain.

 

“You? You’re **in** love. With _me_?”

 

Internally Harvey flinched. Was it so disquieting to Jim that Harvey found him loveable? Was he so damaged that anyone faced with a passionate confession from him wanted to turn tail and run into the city screaming? Was he that disgusting of a human being? Harvey’s emotions were complex yet the situation was simple: He loved Jim and Jim rejected that concept and by extension Harvey.

 

“Yes.” Harvey swallowed and watched Jim gape at him for a few agonizingly silent seconds.

 

“I- “disoriented, Jim shook his head as if to clear it. “I, I don’t know what to even say to that Harvey. I’m flattered; I know that much I just,” Jim paused and motioned with a hand as if to touch Harvey’s knee and missed, then made contact a second later. “I don’t know how **_I_** feel is all.”

 

“Fair enough.” Harvey’s voice was strained and he gently pushed Jim’s hand off his knee. He placed his hands upon the arms of the chair and rose to his feet. “While you figure it out, I’m going to go lay in the comfort of our bed and think about eating my gun.”

 

“No, Harvey.” Jim reasoned softly. “Come on, don’t say that. I just need to think a little and- “

 

“I get it.” Harvey snapped in interruption. The more Jim attempted to justify his surprise the harder it was for Harvey to bear.  “We’re good, so g’night.” Without further comment Harvey turned and headed back to the bedroom leaving the door only open a crack behind him. He rubbed his hands over his face and dropped to sit down upon his side of the bed. He was in hell, and Jim Gordon was stoking the flames higher to burn him alive. “Fuck!” Harvey whispered sharply to himself. It was going to be a long wait until sunrise and he dreaded every second of it.

 

Jim ran a hand back through his closely cropped hair. He knew that Harvey was upset but Jim didn’t have the slightest idea how to comfort him. Without knowing how he felt about the situation as whole himself, there could be no peace for either of them. Jim starred at the philosophy book upon the coffee table and wondered when someone telling him that they were in love with him became an instantaneous shock. Had he digressed so far into toxicity that he believed he was unlovable? Especially if that person were as loyal, generous and trust worthy as Harvey Bullock? Jim wasn’t certain how long he sat wrapped in disbelief but when he came to recognition one of his legs was bouncing with nervous energy. His stomach rolled, his flesh was hot, and his mouth dry. It thrilled him that Harvey felt as he did about him. When Lee had told Jim that she loved him Jim had experienced immediate fear; reservations that he would fuck up their relationship and he had. The first-time Barbara had said the words Jim had panicked about their future. What would her parents think of him? Would their marriage last to the fiftieth anniversary? For the first time in his life Jim Gordon did not dread that someone said that they were in love with him. Instead he was giddy over it. Harvey loved him and that fact overwhelmed Jim.

 

A slow, broad smile spread across Jim’s features and his chest warmed with affection. Harvey was in love with him. It felt good to think, even better that it was not proceeded by panic. What did this now mean for their working partnership? Their friendship? And what did it change if anything? He knew he felt great affection for Harvey. Valued him, loved him as a cherished family member. And now? Did those three little words change his perception any? The clench of his gut and tingle in his spine told him that he wanted it to alter everything. Yet to what degree? Enough for the potential of sex? Or far more completely? Jim listened to the silence of the room and was about to exhale heavily when abruptly he heard the low sound of Harvey crying. Instantaneously Jim was seized by guilt. Harvey was hurting and one word form Jim could either destroy or rescue him. Yet what words should he choose? Before he realized it Jim was slowly pushing the bedroom door open.

 

“Harvey?”

 

The older man didn’t look up at him yet quickly wiped his face. Jim did not await invitation and walked over to the bed and sat down next to the best friend he had ever known past or present. He placed a hand upon the back of Harvey’s head gently petting his hair.

 

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to seem so indecisive, I just don’t want to get this wrong.” Jim paused long enough to bite his plush, bottom lip before saying, “Us: I don’t want to get **_us_** wrong.” He continued combing his fingers through the back of Harvey’s hair until the older man knocked his arm away insistently.

 

Harvey raised his reddened features and locked gazes with Jim. “Just put me outta my misery, will you? Tell me ‘thanks, but no thanks’ and leave me to get over you. I can’t handle you being nice outta pity. Just say it and leave alright?”

 

“Hey.” Jim reasoned firmly. “I think you’ve got this all twisted in your head. Why do you assume I am rebuffing you?”

 

“Because look at me Jim!” Harvey bitterly motioned to himself with his hands. “I’m old, I’m a disgrace, I might have experience but far less intelligence than you, I am a fucking **_mess_**! Why would _you_ want that? How could _anyone_? You’re the real deal Jim. A decent, wonderful guy and all around catch! You’re at least ten kinds of out of my league and I should bow down and kiss your ass for you even agreeing to be my friend. That’s why Jim! Compared to you I’m scum of the earth!”

 

It was Harvey’s low opinion of himself that struck Jim far harder than his previous declaration of affection. “That is the largest crock of **shit** I have ever heard from anyone in my entire life Bullock! You’re making me sound like some bastardized version of a saint while you declare yourself to be worthless. I won’t stand for that Harvey! You are the most generous, loyal, passionate and _intelligent_ man I have the honor of knowing. You have never once let me down or ever not had my back when it mattered. You have stuck by me through thick and thin despite my blind charge into danger. There is no other cop, or **man** ; I would choose to have at my side to face _anything_ , other than you. You make me a better person; a better man; just by being there every dam day. Harvey, I can never thank you enough for that gift. How dare you think that you are lesser!”

 

Harvey swallowed and fussed at Jim, “So just what are you saying then Jim? Thanks? You’re great but let’s just be friends? I can live with that.”

 

“Well I **_can’t_**!” Jim silenced sharply stunning them both into momentary silence. After the two of them stared at one another in shock, Jim gently ventured “We haven’t been, ‘just friends’ for a long time now Harvey. Not since I moved in. You’re right; we have an intimate, romantic relationship and I don’t regret a second of it! I’m just sorry it took me until now to realize what you’ve been showing me since day one.” Jim touched a hand to Harvey’s cheek cradling it in his palm, eyes locked with his partner’s. “Tell me again how you feel about me Harvey. I want to hear you say it.”

 

Nearly breathless Harvey uttered tenderly, “Jim? I love you. For nine months now, hell; before that even; but I couldn’t admit it. I love you.”

 

Jim’s thumb stroked up the red whiskers along Harvey’s cheekbone. “I love you too.” The words felt so natural; so right; that Jim believed them implicitly. He leaned forward and claimed Harvey’s pale lips in a gentle kiss that evolved slowly into an entirely passionate one within seconds. Both men were abruptly famished for one another.

 

This was how the situation played out within Harvey’s pathetically abrasive mind. The reality however was far colder and impersonal. Harvey silently cried, swallowing his sobs down like only a good Irish, Catholic boy learned to do in his youth. Angrily he wiped his tears with the hem of his t-shirt until he exhausted himself and climbed into bed. He kept his back to the door and was curled in upon himself on his right side. He didn’t know how much time had passed when he heard the creak of the hinges as Jim pushed the bedroom door open. Nothing was said when Jim climbed into bed, nor did he move. Harvey swallowed more tears until he heard Jim’s breathing even and himself fell asleep.

 

Several hours later Jim was surprised to be alone in bed when the alarm sounded. A typical morning started with a resistant grunt from Harvey, accompanied by a slurred, ‘five more minutes y’fuckin’ Boy Scout’, finished with the flourish of Harvey yanking his pillow over his head. Upon rising Jim discovered that his partner was neither in the bathroom nor kitchen. In fact, the apartment was empty. Jim was not happy about this and immediately searched for a courteous post it or another scrawled note; there wasn’t one. Jim picked up his cell phone and dialed Harvey. The call went immediately to voice mail and Jim sputtered a message with a tone somewhere between concerned and annoyed.

 

“Bullock, I’m worried. Call me when you get this. Please? There’s no need for us to avoid each other. I **want** to talk. So, call me.” Jim didn’t offer a perfunctory farewell before severing the call. Miles away at Fish Mooney’s night club Harvey tapped the wood to signal a refill and pointedly ignored his vibrating cell phone.

 

“Listen,” The bleary bartender began but Harvey harshly silenced him.

 

“No, you listen Bud. I sold my soul to drink here and I’m gonna fucken drink. Now poor me another and keep your goddamned yapper shut asshole. You’re a bartender so **tend** to me!”

 

Silently the bartender poured yet another three fingers into Harvey’s tumbler and moved to finish inventory on clean glass wear. Harvey was lucky Fish Mooney had a soft spot for the detective and instructed two of her staff to remain behind well after closing; the bartender and a security bouncer. The early morning deliveries came and went but Harvey was going to stay. He didn’t know if he’d get thrown out or drink himself to death first. Either way he didn’t care what time it was or if he should be at work or not. He deserved a sick day and Jim would never come here looking for him.  After the disaster of the previous night Harvey knew he was in no condition to face Jim or any conversations the younger male wished to have with him. Avoidance seemed the best course and Harvey was determined to stay.

 

When Enssen asked about Harvey, Jim had no truthful response for her. Covering, he said that Harvey was running down leads to anyone that asked, but he was quite frantic and frustrated at the lack of response he was getting form his missing partner. He didn’t like not knowing where Harvey was and when he would bother showing up for work. He headed by a few bars when they opened for the lunch crowds or late afternoon, but no one had seen Bullock. Neither had Harvey’s bookie or any of his favored prostitutes. In fact, many of the hookers berated Jim denied the opportunity to scold Harvey. The women hadn’t seen him in months and were more angered at the dent to their purses rather than having any genuine concern over Harvey’s whereabouts. By early evening Jim was scrapping the bottom of the barrel for ideas. Tail tucked, Jim returned to the bullpen and quietly asked around for any of Bullock’s lesser known haunts. The cemetery where his mother was buried was a bust as well as his ex-girlfriend’s home. She was recently married with twins on the way. Seventeen unanswered voice mails later Jim was desperate.

 

While Fish was unavailable her ‘under assistant’ Oswald Cobblepot was delightfully happy to provide Jim with a nod to Harvey Bullock’s current location.  It was a short walk down a hall to a back room where Harvey was sleeping it off on a plumb colored chaise lounge with lavender and crimson pillows supporting his head. He was snoring from beneath his hat which had been perched carefully upon his face. Jim knelt beside the chaise and stared at his partner for a few seconds before reaching out and stroking a clump of perspiration dampened hair just behind Harvey’s right ear.

 

“Harvey?” He summoned gently. “Come on, Bullock. We have bad guys to catch and streets to protect.” The hat snorted and began to snore. Jim stroked the flesh of Harvey’s cheek just below the rim with an extended finger.  “Har-vey?” His tone was somewhat sing song. “Time to wake up.”

 

This time the hat grunted and slurred, “Fuck off, Boy Scout. I’m not talking t’you.”

 

Jim leaned forward and whispered in Harvey’s ear. “Then you can just listen.” Jim paused and wet his lips.  “I was beside myself trying to find you today. I don’t know why you didn’t answer any of my texts or voice mails; but I _need_ you to know, that I – “Jim fell silent as a dry palm came into direct contact with his nose and mouth, fingers fanned out over his eye sockets and forehead.

 

Harvey constricted his hand a little upon each word, “Not. Listening. About it. _Either_. Boy. Scout.”

 

Frustrated and mischievous Jim pulled out of Harvey’s grasp enough to run the flat of his tongue from the wrist, to half way up the middle finger when Harvey yanked his hand away and scrambled to sit up. Harvey clutched his hat to his chest with one hand and shoved Jim hard enough to put him on his ass on the floor.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Gordon? That’s disgusting!” He looked at his palm as if it were abhorrent to him and wiped it frantically on the chaise lounge. “Jesus! What are you? Two-years-old now?”

 

Jim chuckled and rolled up onto his feet to rise. He straightened his tie and watched Harvey scrub his palm over the upholstery and pillows as if he were attempting to claim them.  “It got you talking to me.” Even if it was to scold him.

 

“Gross!” Harvey glared up at Jim. “Just for this,” He showed Jim his palm. “I’m still not gonna talk **_or_** listen to you until I’m damned good and ready.”

 

Jim shrugged and placed his hands upon his hips. “And I’m still not going to stop trying to talk to you **_or_** get you to hear what I have to say. Face, it Harvey, you’re stuck with me.”

 

Harvey severed eye contact reality of the situation and sorrow tinging his tone.  “Shouldn’t that be my line?” He was the one that was in love with Jim after all. Harvey placed his hat upon his head and rose to his own feet and avoided Jim’s gaze.  “It’s late. We should head out.”

 

“Harvey,” Jim reached out with a hand and took his friend by the arm.

 

Against his will, Harvey yanked his arm free and reached for the door. Jim moved quickly to slam the door closed once more with an extended arm. His features were set and Harvey knew that ‘take no prisoners’ Jim Gordon look. He was about to have a battle of wills on his hands and Harvey just didn’t have the energy to participate in it.

 

“Jim,” He said neither angry nor sad just an even tone. “Let go of the door, please.”

 

Jim’s entire expression shifted from determination to affection and Harvey had to swallow with how beautiful and vulnerable Jim’s eyes revealed him to feel. He wanted to embrace Jim and promise him that everything between them would be alright in time, but for now it would be difficult temporarily and that Jim should respect Harvey’s request for blinders.

 

“I need you to talk to me Harvey. I can’t do this by myself.” He motioned with his free hand between them.  “Any type of relationship takes both people involved to function. So please, don’t let me be an utter failure at this too.”

 

“This?” Harvey demanded slightly offended that the only two relationships Harvey knew of where Jim had failed were both romantic. It wasn’t fair to have his feelings thrown back in his face so casually.  “You mean our friendship? Is that what you’re scared of losing? I told you Jim, love me or not, I don’t want to be without you in my life. **_Ever_**. Our friendship remains no matter what else comes. You’re my brother, my partner, my best friend.”

 

“Then start acting like it and stop shutting me out,” Harvey was about to protest but Jim took his hand off the door and placed his palm upon Harvey’s chest instead. He could feel the heated flesh beneath his somewhat button down shirt and undershirt. He could feel a little hair tickling between his fingers. He wondered what it would be like to run his fingers through it and quickly pushed the thought away. Now was not the time for any type of fantasy. Desired or fleeting residual.

 

“Harvey, I’m not the one that’s frightened of something here. You think I’m going to completely reject you and I’m not.”

 

“Just the part where I’m in love with you is all. No big deal right, Jim?” It was only Harvey’s heart getting crushed into a million aching pieces.

 

“No, stop _saying_ that!” Jim insisted pushing his hand down a little harder upon Harvey’s chest so the older man could truly feel the weight of it. “Last night I told you I didn’t know how I felt about everything, and I was being honest because you deserve complete and utter honesty. But today- “Jim moved from side to side struggling to catch Harvey’s gaze and when he finally did it was because he used his opposite hand to turn Harvey’s face towards him. His fingers slid through the fine hairs of Harvey’s bearded and he realized that over the past few months Harvey had been keeping it well groomed. The thought made him smile tenderly. “ _today_ I’ve thought about nothing else. Just you.” Jim drew his hand away from Harvey’s face and slid it down the other man’s side from the rib cage to his waist.

 

Harvey shivered from the contact, his expression stunned, his gaze pleading for confirmation that he wasn’t reading the touch incorrectly. Jim’s tender smile returned, his plush lips parting slightly.  “You’re never _not_ on my mind Harvey. You’re always there. A constant, welcoming presence that I run too every time I’m in trouble. Which; knowing me as you do, is a lot.” Jim couldn’t help but chuckle and Harvey found himself smiling along. Jim’s expression shifted back to quiet tenderness once more and the hand upon Harvey’s chest now also slipped inside of Harvey’s leather jacket to run down the opposite side to the waist. “I need to -”

 

A knock at the door immediately followed by its opening revealed Butch filling the door way. Jim yanked his hands-off Harvey, who took a step back as if the sexually charged atmosphere of the room was casual.  “Listen Bullock, if you’re not spending anymore dough Boss wants you gone.” He motioned to Jim. “You too, Blondie. Cops’re bad business for tonight’s headliner.”

 

“Understood.” Jim accepted with an acknowledging wave.

 

“Yeah, yeah. We were just leaving.” Harvey nodded and motioned to Butch.  “We’ll go out the back and please tell Ms. Mooney that I appreciate her hospitality and won’t forget to pay the rest of my tab.”

 

Butch’s gaze slipped from one detective to the other. He grunted suspiciously and turned away, leaving them. Harvey looked at Jim who grimaced and uttered, ‘yikes’. A minute later they were chuckling about the entire exchange as they wound their way out into the alley behind the building. It was dark and cold in comparison to the night club. Harvey rolled his shoulders and repositioned his jacket and turned to look at Jim who was just in his suit.

 

“Where too now, Jim?”  Harvey glanced at his wrist watch to note the time. He could be working the night shift if Jim felt like pulling a double or just late going home.  As a peace offering he was leaving the decision up to Jim when all Harvey really wanted to do was go home and continue their interrupted discussion. Life was funny like that.

 

Jim pushed his hands into his trouser pockets and stepped close to Harvey’s warmth.  He drew his eyes up his partner’s waist line all the way up to his eyes and said, “I thought we’d knock off, go home, and see where the evening takes us. Besides; we were in the middle of a conversation I really want to finish.” He smiled and Harvey smirked at him and tipped his hat.

 

“After you Golden Boy.”

 

Jim genuinely laughed and said, “You say that now. You have yet to see my tarnished side.” Jim issued a salacious raise of the eyebrows and turned away confident that Harvey would follow.  Under an hour later the two had reached the apartment and Jim had changed and threw together a light dinner while Harvey showered. Both men hadn’t eaten that much during the day and their stomachs weren’t receptive, therefore Jim stuck with the basics and eating was a short affair.  Dishes cleared, they retired to the living room area. Harvey put on some old blues; Joe Walker and Nina Simone; before joining Jim upon the couch. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Harvey spoke.

 

“You said something at Fish’s about a _need_? Do you remember what need?”

 

“Oh, I remember.” Jim assured with an affectionate smile. He shifted closer to Harvey on the couch.  “I want **us** to be a couple. Only, I’ll need to take it a little slower than you might be accustomed- “

 

“Just tell me Jim.” Harvey reached out and stroked the fingers of his right hand up the side of Jim’s long throat; jaw hinge by his ear.  “If kissing’s all that’s on the table for now, or hell even just hand holding- just tell me where the lines are and I’ll respect them. I can be a gentleman you know.”

 

Jim couldn’t help but smile wider at that, his blue eyes shining in the available light and Harvey felt his breath still. Jim rubbed his cheek into his partner’s palm and blinked once coyly at him. His voice was just above a whisper and he said, “Kissing is definitely on the table. Everything shy of actual penetration; maybe blow jobs for now.” Jim swallowed and searched Harvey’s gaze. “I want to be absolutely certain of my commitment to you before I make the final leap. I don’t know how long that will take; this is new and to be honest with you; you’re **_the_** _one_ relationship I am terrified to fuck up.”

 

Harvey had to smile at that, all the love and desire he felt for Jim swirling in his gaze. He knew Jim saw it and understood the silent vow.  Harvey’s thumb stroked down than back up his cheek bone.  “We’ll make certain you don’t then.”  Jim moved forward first and closed his eyes as his lips touched Harvey’s for the first time.

 

They tasted one another sweet and tentatively testing until Jim moaned softly and surged forward toward and into Harvey. From there the kisses broke and reformed at an impassioned pace. Hands moved to explore, yet true to his word Harvey played the consummate gentleman and kept all his touches above the waist. Harvey felt like he was in middle school again where kissing with tongue was the penultimate in life experiences, but the knowledge that the person he was kissing was Jim Gordon thrilled him to the bone. His heart beat faster than probably was healthy for him and he was left breathless and achingly hard. He didn’t know how long they had been at it, only that when he pulled away Jim looked disheveled, glowing with happiness and just as breathless and hard in kind. Regarding their situation both laughed.

 

“Wow. That was…”

 

“I agree.” Harvey cleared his throat.  “I’m glad kissing isn’t off limits.”

 

“Me too.” Jim’s blush deepened. “If I had known…”

 

“But you didn’t.” Harvey reached out and stroked the fingers of his left hand down Jim’s cheek only to have the other man push his face into his palm yet again.  “And now you do.”

 

Jim looked at Harvey through beckoning lashes and sultry eyes.  “More?”

 

Harvey nodded and both men were moving for one another again. “Definitely more.”

 

Hour upon hour they talked of their childhoods and past sexual partners.  They talked about politics, philosophy and religion. They talked about favorite music and atrocities against all art mediums from the written word to film.  They debated ‘would you rather’ scenarios and traded the accumulation of trivial knowledge.  They talked about cars and history, science and even ultimate wish lists. They talked until the sun came up and then they spoke of the things that they had wished to confide in the other but hadn’t until their union.  Things had altered between them now; and every bout of conversation was preceded by a make out session that left its predecessor lacking.

 

Harvey hadn’t had so much fun playing hooky from work as the day progressed. The hangover he would usually give into and suffer the entire day seemed minimal background noise. They watched a few old black and white gangster movies on the couch, Harvey slouching and Jim lounging with his shoulders and head in his partner’s lap. They pegged one another with popcorn trying to land the snack in each other’s mouths during commercial breaks, laughing at their terrible statistics and picking up errant pieces of kernels. They went out to lunch and sat outside where the tables were smaller and chairs closer together. They took a walk in the park area and traded licks of Jim’s ice cream cone with one another until their fingers were sticky and Jim had to wipe Harvey’s beard around his mouth to clean it of sprinkles. Once home they made out, gave one another much needed hand jobs before falling asleep for a few hours. In all Harvey couldn’t believe that Jim had stayed home from work to just lounge with him.  Harvey had never seen the younger male smile so much or be so relaxed that he laughed freely. Jim’s mouth was pliant instead of drawn into a tight line. His expression was open and engaged, instead of pinched or stoic and angry. Harvey loved seeing this side of Jim and received a pretty blush in reaction when he told him so.

 

For his part, Jim could not keep his hands off Harvey. Whether he stroked his hair, touched his hand or shoulder or made full body contact the effect was the same. Jim was drawn to the older man like a satellite and his new world was orbiting Harvey. He felt so giddy as he lay his head against his best friend’s shoulder and gazed up at him affectionately. Harvey had his glasses on and was reading a passage of poetry aloud that Jim had begged him to; declaring it **the** major influence of his entire teen hood. Without meaning too he distracted Harvey from the passage by lamenting on how attractive he found the older man. The gray in his beard, the way the black framed glasses perched on his nose, his eye lashes, the deep colors of his eyes, the shape of his nose, his lips. The declarations had Jim running a hand over Harvey’s stomach and pushing up to nuzzle and caress his throat with light but insistent kisses. He raked his teeth up under the jaw hinge at the ear when he felt Harvey drop the book and turn to him.

 

Harvey captured Jim in a heated kiss, devouring him as Jim moaned needy into his mouth. Harvey’s hands instantly burrowed beneath Jim’s shirt to caress the planes of his body. Harvey; for all he complained; loved Jim’s tight stature and wouldn’t trade all that Jim had to do to maintain it for the world. He wouldn’t give up Jim, not even all the pain and heartache of the past nine months, eighteen days, three hours, forty-five minutes, and fifty-seven seconds it took to finally have him like this. Jim brought his feet up on the couch and spread his legs, Harvey easily slotting between them as he laid back and they continued kissing. _Worth. Every. Damn. Thing…._


End file.
